Excerpts from Dr. William Pollack's book: "Real Boys"

The Boy Code: Four Injunctions.

1. Men/boys should be sturdy oaks: stoic, stable,
   and independent

2. Men/boys should display extreme daring, bravado,
   and affinity for violence.

3. It is imperative for men/boys to achieve status,
   dominance, and power.

4. 'No sissy stuff.'  Men/boys are not allowed to
   display dependence, warmth, and empathy.


Myth 1:
Boys will be boys: Nature and testosterone win out over nurture.

"The great danger in subscribing to the myth is that it tends to make
people assume that they have less power to affect a boy's personality,
behavior, or emotional development than in fact they do."  He later
devotes a whole sub-chapter to testosterone.  He points out that high
testosterone levels do different things for different people.  The
assumption that testosterone leads to aggression and promiscuity is
unfounded.

Myth 2:
Boys should be boys.

"When boys act in less than conventionally "masculine" ways, their
peers--both boys and girls-- can be quick to tighten the laces on
their gender straitjackets.  Some parents, teachers, coaches, and
other mentors also act in ways that reinforce society's myths about
masculinity by letting boys know when they are violating the Boy
Code."

Myth 3:
Boys are toxic.

"Karen decided to send her daughter, Alison, to an all-girls school,
but kept her son in a coeducational environment.  The reason, she
explained, was that her daughter needed to learn that 'all roles in
society are open to women.'  Her son, on the other hand, needed to
learn in the company of girls because they would help to make him more
'sensitive and polished.'  She was saying, in other words, that the
presence of boys might have a toxic effect on her daughter, while the
girls could help mitigate the noxious disposition of her son.
Barbara, another parent, put the same anti-boy sentiment a little more
directly when she said, 'Girls have a civilizing effect.'"